How Going Off Script Might Just Get You Where You Need to Be

Where you need to beAre you where you need to be?

It was the week of Christmas and the Weatherman and I were just starting to watch the television phenomena that is This Is Us.  (That’s right.  We’re over a year behind.  Don’t judge.)  Immediately, I connected with Kate, one of the female leads.

Kate, is in her mid-thirties and overweight, significantly overweight.  It takes just a few episodes to realize that everything Kate seems to think and do is through the lens of a woman struggling with her weight.  I watch her self-conscious in a restaurant as she chooses from a menu, and at a party I see her feel the eyes of the thin and beautiful on her.  Episode after episode she treats herself as less than worthy and consistently discounts herself simply because she is overweight.

I can relate.

Our emotional and mental hurt can stand out like bright, angry wounds. #ItsTimeToDoSomething Click To Tweet

In a matter of episodes Kate purposes to do something new in her life as it relates to her weight struggles. She purposes to lose weight and starts attending what appears to be Overeaters Anonymous.  I watch her not only count calories but plan her days around them.  I understand her struggle as she exercises, and makes wiser food choices and gets on the scale only to see little return on her investment.  She knows that she’s not where she needs to be.

For what it’s worth, neither am I.

Old Wounds

Lately, the episodes of This Is Us are hitting closer and closer to home.  Let’s be frank, I’d be a hypocrite to carry on with the blog each week and try to help each of you become the mom God created you to be and then not deal with my own issues.  If you are not where you need to be that’s okay, because neither am I.

Occasionally, I’ve written about my struggles with weight, but today is a little different.  You see, this weekend, on Saturday night I went off my normal script.  I had finished cleaning up the kitchen area and our daughters were upstairs preparing for bed.  And with the knowledge that I only had some small sense of what I wanted to talk about (*cringe*) I logged into Facebook and pressed that “Live” button.  And then I started talking – without much of a plan and unsure of the words that would come out of my mouth.  I spoke about old wounds and what it’s like to be bound by something so tightly.  I haven’t taken down the video so you can watch it on Facebook here.

What is it that binds you? #ItsTimeToDoSomething Click To Tweet

Where you need to be

Like Kate, I struggle with my physical weight.  I don’t just struggle with the physical aspect of it, but also the mental an emotional weight of it.  This year I am working hard to get back into my exercise routine and I’ve joined Weight Watchers (for the gazillionth time). I’ve lost and regained these same 30 lbs too many times to count.  It’s not that I don’t understand the nutrition side of things, fewer calories more exercise — it’s an easy equation.  Most of my struggle comes from being an emotional eater.  Things get stressful and I don’t even realize that I am constantly putting food in my mouth.

But it’s not just that I am an emotional eater.  It’s a mental game for me too.  There’s a lot of baggage I’ve never addressed from childhood regarding my weight.  The more my weight goes up the more of a mental game it becomes for me and I feel like I am reliving old battles.  It is a vicious cycle.

Why am I sharing all this?  Because I think many of you are struggling with your own emotional and mental battles.  I don’t know what they are but I can think of a few.  And what I am realizing is that this old battle and wounds I am dealing with doesn’t just impact me, it impacts my whole family.  If I want to be the mom God created me to be I need to deal with them.  And, as my 42nd birthday draws near I am realizing I don’t want to spend another year like this.

What about you?  Are there any cycles you like to break?  Something you don’t want to carry into the new year?

Old wounds left untreated can take up a lot of real estate in our heart and our head. #ItsTimeToDoSomething. Click To Tweet

Yesterday, God confirmed what I knew in my heart and head.  I was laid low by the message our Pastor delivered.  He talked about the relationship between our health and holiness.  There was something about the way he delivered the message and the state of my heart that led me to know what my next steps should be.  As I prayed after communion I shed a few tears for those angry wounds but also left with the resolve necessary to take my next steps.

You can watch the sermon here:

Momma, I don’t know what issue  it is that binds you, what wounds you bear that are still raw and angry.  What I do know is this: we have a Heavenly Father who loves us and a Jesus that has set us free.  He wants to get you where you need to be.

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

John 8:36

Father, thank you for loving us as much as you do.  Thank you for a love that is so wide and so great that we cannot even fathom the expansiveness of it.  Help us to never forget that we are loved no matter what.  Help us to understand that you love us not because we are good enough, nice enough, skinny or sober enough.  Help us to understand that your love does not depend on anything we do or have done.

Father for the women reading this who are struggling with old wounds, old hurts or habits that they are certain cannot be healed or overcome please give them a new Word today.  Renew their hope and belief that they can be free.  Renew their minds and make clear to them today what their next steps should be.  

We love you Lord and we thank you for all that you have done and for all that you will do.Amen

10 thoughts on “How Going Off Script Might Just Get You Where You Need to Be

  1. I sure wish you and I could sit down for coffee… I feel like we’d have lots of rich discussion! Thanks for your heartfelt words here. As a blogger it can be tough to share the hard stuff in our own lives for fear of being discredited when we obviously fail to practice what we’re peddling. But we ALL struggle, wouldn’t be human if we didn’t! I think I probably need your Pastor’s sermon on health and holiness! So glad I stopped by here today! Blessings!

  2. Julia, thank you for your transparent words here. Weight isn’t my issue, but dealing with a rejection mindset has been my struggle for most of my life. The childhood rejection I faced formed and molded my self concept in a life-defining way. My interactions with others were always filtered through that rejection.

    God has worked a lot in me, especially over the past few years, but I still slip into an inaccurate perspective and wrong thinking processes. When I’m struggling with the rejection mindset, it affects my interactions with others.

    I so appreciate what you said in your LIVE about how our struggles do not define us. Such good words. I’m visiting from the #RaRaLinkup today. It’s so nice to “meet” you!

  3. Your tender words are so heart felt and go directly to the hearts of others, including mine. For some, these old wounds take hold in our physical struggles and others it’s stress or anxiety or depression. I appreciate your sharing so openly your personal battle. We’re all in this together. xx

  4. I have a family member that’s overweight too. I’ve know it for a while but been so careful not to push on buttons that are already sensitive, I’m sure. I appreciate you reminding me that there’s more going on than just simple a simple equation and that real health comes when all aspects of our psyche are made whole.

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