Hard To Love
Struggling with the transition from subtraction to multiplication, my oldest came home crying the other day certain that she “couldn’t” do it. Her self doubt and anxiety manifesting in a fear not rooted in truth. That night as she lay in bed I kneeled by her side and shared about strong holds, how we all have them and how satan uses them to waylay our lives. With the insight only a mother can possess, I recounted some of times I’d seen satan use fear to derail or discourage her. I kissed her good night and prayed over her well – but before I could get up to walk out the door she said “Mommy, what’s yours?”
“My what?” I replied.
“What’s you stronghold?” She asked.
Honestly, at that moment I wanted to make something up. Something benign that wouldn’t make me look flawed and weak. I didn’t want to reveal my kryptonite – to my daughter of all people.
I mumbled “Sometimes mommy doesn’t feel lovable.”
“What?!” She asked.
“Sometimes mommy doesn’t feel lovable.”
“Huh?” She replied.
Sweet Jesus I thought, must we do this? I took a deep breath, “Sometimes mommy feels like it is hard to love her.”
There, I said it.
The look on her face was incredulous . . . and then the affirmations came rolling in from my sweet 7 year old.It's hard to love your self when you don't feel loveable. #WorkMom #selflove #selfcareisnotselfish Click To Tweet
Love Your Self
Loving your self is not only important to the way we feel and care for ourselves, it’s also significant in the message we model and send our children about how they grow to feel and care for themselves as well as those around them. Our displays of self-love set forth a pattern and expectations for their own lives.
As a working mom, the messages and demands we face can be overwhelming. Attempting to be all things to all persons is not only exhausting, it’s impossible. But, if you’re anything like me, the impossibility of it doesn’t stop you from trying. We’re not quitters – even when the expectations are completely unreasonable.Trying to be all things to all persons is not only exhausting, it's impossible. #WorkMom #MomLife Click To Tweet
It is so undeniably easy to buy into the sentiment that self-love and self-care are two things we can do without. And so, with little resistance we are readily drawn into a pattern of setting aside our own well being and happiness for that of those that rely and depend on us. But at some point the tank runs empty; our mental, physical and emotional well being fall into disrepair. We stop doing those things that make us happy – those things we did before we got married, had children and accepted the latest promotion.
We tell ourselves there is too much to do, never allowing for a movie night unless it’s a quarterly trip to the theater. We stop walking or running or jazzercising – and instead spend our evening running our kids from one activity to the next. Often the only books we read are found on the marriage and parenting shelves. Sound familiar?
What Does It Look Like
Momma, you must decide, purpose and take the time to love your self. Schedule it into your calendar, set alerts, advise your spouse, your BFF, or your secretary – whoever it is that will hold you accountable. Giving your brain and soul a rest are so much more productive and beneficial than eating chocolate. Trust me.
While a weekend at the spa might be the epitome of self-care it’s not a reality for most of us for a variety of reasons. But you don’t need two nights at the spa to feel better. Maybe you commit to two walks a week – unaccompanied by any of those that at one time called you “momma.” Or, perhaps you engage in a little brain rest and pick up a fiction book for the first time in a year.
Momma, whatever it looks like for you, please understand that self-love and self-care is as important to you as the oxygen you breathe. You need to consider it the same way you would the mask dropping from the airplane ceiling – the flight attendant always advises you to put your own mask on first before helping someone else. Especially in the instance of small children. Momma, it’s time to put your mask on.