After blow drying my hair I grabbed my phone, opened up my music app and scrolled down to the playlist I was looking for, “Music to Live By”. Tapping the playlist it opened to my favorites and my fingers traced to the bottom. Passing the likes of Crowder, Hillsong, Rend Collective and JJ Heller I landed on Bethel Music and You Make Me Brave.
The song was an anthem to how I was feeling. I was emotional this morning. As one song flowed into another I finished putting on my makeup and wondered if my mascara was waterproof. Sofia (our not quite 2 years old) had not slept well which meant neither did Rob or I. However, she did sleep in this morning; unfortunately, I woke up at my typical work week zero dark thirty and could feel a headache brewing. Today was a big day, following service I would be baptizing our 6 year old daughter, Eva. There would be lunch afterward to celebrate and then that evening the final launch meeting for a Church we were helping start in our community.
I am sure some of the emotions were attributable to fatigue, but most of them had to do with Eva’s baptism. I wasn’t concerned about her awareness or preparedness of the decision. In fact, our family has discussed baptism for years and as early as the age of 3 Eva had taken to baptizing all of her bath toys after first taking their confession of faith. We talked for the 5 months leading up to today about baptism. I was concerned more about what the future held, what choosing to identify to the world as a Christ follower would mean for her. I know there will be spiritual warfare, that she will be challenged by her peers, her community and her culture about what she believes. I want her faith to remain as brave and pure and true as it does today and can feel the weight of the role her father and I play in this. I so desperately want her to always have a good relationship with her Heavenly Father. I want her to never doubt the depth of His love for her – I want her to know with certainty that she is deserving of love and loveable.
We make it out the door in time and manage not to forget our baptism bags packed with towels and shorts. Somehow I make it through the start of service; the message is good and one I know I will have to go back and listen to it as a I am too focused this morning on other things. And then there is the signal and I slip out of my seat to get Eva so we can make our way to the back to change.
My best friend is there; she is going to help us get through this monumental moment. She is there to make sure we get changed in time, that no one slips and falls, and to make sure this momma doesn’t melt down.
It’s only fitting that she is the one to be back there with me while daddy and the grandparents videotape and take pictures. Someone from work had asked me if we had sponsors or godparents at our church – I told her we didn’t. But, truth be told, this friend, the one helping tie up my daughter’s oversized shirt, this sister in Christ is the one I’d trust to raise my babies. Our parents are amazing, but Rob and I are older parents and that makes our parents even older than normal grandparents to our kids. Should something happen to Rob and I, the likelihood that our family will be able to care for our girls until they are grown is slim. This women is the one that would step up. She would bring them into her home and she and her husband would share all the true stories they had of how their mom and dad met should anything ever happen to Rob and I. But, more importantly, she would give her all to leave my girls with lasting and personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Communion is passed and the band goes into one worship song and then another. Eva and I begin to walk into the water – true to their word it is warm and I mentally thank whoever remembered to turn it on. And then there we are telling the world her age and about the bathtub baptisms. I take her confession of faith and try to hold on tight as her light little body attempts to float away from me. It’s symbolic I think. And that is it. Into the water goes my first born, my daughter and up she comes a sister in Christ.